Thursday, September 23, 2010


Oh, dear. My, my, have I been wound tight these past couple weeks. Full moon? Upcoming period? Wedding stress? Book stress? Family drama? Yes, yes, yes.

I had a knot in my neck that hurt for two weeks. I thought it was from falling asleep on the couch. I forced myself to swim and hike. Pain and pain. I sat in front of a jet in the jacuzzi, I stretched! Little did I know, it was merely my damaged 5th chakra.

I say this half sarcastically, half wholeheartedly. In Sedona, Mark and I got aura readings. My chakras of course were seriously misaligned and mangled, while Mark's aura and chakras were heavenly and perfect and the psychic ladies fawned all over him. WHATEVER.

I half believe that this is all new agey bullshit, and I half believe it is 100000% true. Wanna know why?
Because I said not a word in yoga today, but the whole class was ABOUT ME. She talked about the full moon (Yes! I go nuts when there is a full moon!) the change of seasons (Yes! I love fall but it makes me sad! Why?) grinding teeth and the necessity of 5th chakra stuff (Me! I grind my teeth!). Then we did like 20 minutes of positions that heal the 5th chakra. This is in your throat, neck, upper back, where I am all tensed, where all my tension has been. I felt such a release in one position that I started crying.
THEN she explained that this is the part of the body that holds stress that comes from things you can't change. Excess stress- unnecessary stress. Stress that comes from DECISION MAKING (!!! I have never had to make so many decisions in such a short time period!) and the stress from worrying about things you really can't change or fix (EVERYTHING FAMILY RELATED!)
She told us at some point to say the serenity prayer to ourselves- grant me the strength to change the things I can, accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference.
At the end, lying there in the dark, I said this to myself so many times. Over and Over. I ended up saying "serenity" instead of "strength" then "accept" then "wisdom" until it just degenerated into "serenity" over and over in my mind.
I left feeling a lightness and happiness that I have not felt in weeks. I left thinking that $7 is a great price to pay for a  90 minute workout/therapy that actually works.
I must do yoga more often!
This picture is from a wonderful day with Mark in the Antelope Valley. I CAN feel peace. I HAVE felt peace, it is possible.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Going to Arty Events With Mark

Last night, Mark and I went to go see "Los Angeles Plays Itself." I would categorize this as an "Arty" thing to do, because it's not the Arclight, and because it's one of those movies Arty people talk about. Mark thought it was absolutely hysterical, and it was. He probably liked it because it was basically a bunch of previews of movies about LA (sorry, LOS ANGELES) and that's a reason I liked it too. The Q and A afterwards, however, was the interesting part to me, because of the multitude of stupid questions people ask. One lady was offended (of course) about his lack of representation of minority filmmakers (there was plenty of representation of minority filmmakers and the whole movie was basically criticizing rich white men.)
Another person criticized  his attachment to architecture, and not to the people of Los Angeles. I get this, because half of the love you have for a city is for its buildings. I know this is how I feel about New York. I know I love that skyline. I know I love the feeling of being small among these mammoth creatures. I know I love the tunnels and the trains that go through them. I know I love the bridges that cross the rivers. I love how each apartment building is different. I love the colors and the art in the cement.
I know the devastation I felt about the World Trade Center was equally about both the people and the buildings, and my godmother died that day, so when I say I loved the buildings too, I mean it. I loved standing between them. Looking up. They created a wind tunnel and I loved standing between them and thinking that I might float away. I loved that they were mirrors, the biggest mirrors ever imaginable, reflecting the city, the water, the harbor, the bridges. I loved going to the top. Once I went up there while they were in the clouds. All you could see was white and grey. Zero visibility. Literally in the clouds. I loved it.
I think these thoughts, and Mark things whatever it is that he thinks.
He has more patience than I go at museums and galleries. I get frustrated easily. I like to look around for one thing that connects to me immediately then stare at it for a long time to see what happens in my brain. I like to follow lines with my eyes- brush strokes, pencil strokes. In all honesty, I am annoyed by a lot of art. I like the act of people coming together, not the act of alienation, which is what I think most art strives for- alienating people to make them feel stupid and apart and separate.
Mark, though, is perfectly content to wander, and wonder, and say, "Hm." He likes to look. I love this about him. He is slower than I am, wandering around, gazing, and I am crazed, my mind sputtering, judging, eavesdropping on people and laughing at them or wishing I could talk to them. But Mark seems to get more enjoyment out of Arty things than I do, or a different enjoyment, or just an enjoyment, whereas I am looking for stimulation.
*** This is Mark at our friend Samantha's awesome show: